Love. I find this 4 letter word to be one of the hardest to grasp. I cannot recall the phrase in my childhood or in present day or with boyfriends of the past, if they are boyfriends.
There was Patrick, I 16 he was 23, ran away and started hanging out Park Street. I met Joey and Ron Hill aka Miss Kitty. He had knee surgery and I was determined one day to run away. We lived on Russell Street. A Blue building on the corner of Russell and Main street in Lewiston.
My and the boy in front, who was younger, decided to go camping on thehill adjacent. It was awesome to have such a huge ground to play in. Well we camped out the one night, used a tire to control our little fire. Wrong move when the tire has oil and gas on it. Before causing a brush fire on Russell street we began running from our backyard to the hill with buckets of dirt. My dad is outside asking what we are doing and calls the fire department. My mom got in a fight with Amy and there was a broken mirror and Amy was really upset. My room was in the back. I could see the garden the gay guys upstairs planted.
I lived with Richard Aldrich aka Victoria Lee/Vanessa Storm. I stole a radio from him that some guy had on consignment and Richard told the guy he got robbed. He lived below me on Pine Street. I got the apartment with a roommate, a kid I helped with his paperroute.[Jimmy] [150 Lincoln St]
My aunt had the apartment when I was younger. We went to the movie house down the road and saw a movie one afternoon. Had a Halloween Party with my church friends.
He got his earlobe bitten off once at the bar and I walked him to the hospital and went with him in the emergency room while he was in drag. He tried slitting his wrists when he asked me out and I said no, because he was HIV+. He stole my Journals. He went to Jail for writing bad checks.
Mike H. a hair dresser on Lisbon street. Neat salon. Drank a lot of flavored bottle water. I lived at New Beginnings and he would cut my hair and all my friends. But this turned sour when he gave one of my friends head.
Another friend of mine Mike had sex with my sister Becky when I lived at 23 Sabattus Street. This is torn down now for Kora Temple expansion. I met Rod here, and Chris and Sabrina.
Titanic. I was in bed with Rod at his sisters place before she moved down to Texas. I made a comment it. Driving home on our way from Winterport laying on his lap while listening to Celine Dion playing. I think this is where I snapped.
I wanted to hear someone say "I Love You" to me and actually mean it. The search for love - began to be the search for sex. Some days I would become irate and angry at the fact I had spent 10 hours searching for sex and not getting anything and trying to the wee hours of the morning. Than I looked in the mirror as the scented candle lay there lit with two little fires and I felt warm, bringing back memories of camping on adventure challenges while I stayed at New Beginning. I went to Outright in Portland and went to the national Gay & Lesbian's Youth Leadership in CA. Only 20 selected from the US and Canada and Maine was chosen twice in a row. They asked me to leave I was too racist.
This Latino was playing with the Youth Institute leader who has a gf. She commented that I should feel sorry for all the things that have happened to the Latin people in America. I looked at her dumbfounded. I told her if my grandfather hated her grandfather that was their issue, they should feel sorry. I haven't done anything negative towards Latin people so I shouldn't. [hypontherapy sessions] I was asked to leave the next morning. I got a bracelet from a Sara girl who was really nice. She ran an underground needle exchange program in Seattle. I traded socks with some other girl also. The next day all the Latin/Latino and Hawaiian youth, about 1/3 decided not to show up the next day because of me, so they drove and dropped me off at Sana Rosa. Never being on a plane and being in California I was clueless. Lost. Thank goodness I didn't spend the $200 i had brought with me n savings bonds. I had to use them for another plane shuttle for Santa Rosa to san Diego and than come home. I had been blacklisted in Portland with Outright, starting from Kathy K and the Pillsbury guy who had money he donated to NGLTF. I thought it was funny, we had a conflict resolution class the day before, great opportunity huh?
USM. America Online cotegene and than a year later megspaul. I enjoyed genealogy. Maine [ME] Genealogy [G] Service [S] and Paul was my first name.
I went out with a guy named Shawn in Portland while I lived on Laurel Ave. I moved to Portland and his landlord said no. I was distraught. All my stuff in the back of Billy's truck. I left him and stored my stuff at Billy's. Billy & me moved onto Winter St until we found out we were paying for the heat for the guy upstairs. Than we moved onto Grant Street until Billy moved to Louisiana and my other roommate painted his room like McDonald's with yellow and red, after he moved into Billy's old room. His friend used to come over and pick, side affect of doing coke. She stole a wig of mine. Anyhow he stiffed me at the first of the month and just moved out. I lost my job at Maine Medical Center for 3 claims of neglect. [hypnotherapy sessions]. I started therapy but she ended up going in for a kidney transplant, the other guy I went to see didn't mesh after the first meeting. I saw a girl at USM but I don't recall what we chatted about.
Sex with a girl for the first time. She swallowed a bunch of pills later on after I told her she didn't amount to much. Laurie, a transgendered lesbian, and me went her house and called an ambulance. An afterhours party on the top floor I got mad at someone who was there with someone else after telling me how much he loved me and wanted to date and he was all over someone else. They were doing coke in the kitchen, although, their profiles on manhunt wouldn't show it now. I got in a fight with this really butch lesbian and clocked her and we fought down the stairs and I ended up getting thrown out on the streets.
Sportsmans I got in 2 fights. One with a crowd over a guy online who wouldn't leave me alone. Upon coming out of the bar he looked at me and said 'i know you want to fuck me' and i klocked him. That was it, I flipped Heather I guess pulling hair and fighting like a girl, so they tell me. But I recall a different tale. And the time the redneck DJ wouldn't give me back my music, so I went up the the DJ booth and popped the CD out and took off, with him behind me and he threw me out. Than there a fight where I ended up getting my eye stiched from a fight that involved the female bartender and KinkDude slugging me. At the hospital the doctor commented about the ring imprint that was on my face. [hypnotherapy sessions]
My mother tells me that I used to send her hate mail through the mail. I don't remember this [hypnotherapy sessions]. What I remember is me and my sisters all sexual abused, the state forgetting about us and my mother siding with the abuser, tell us that it never really happened. The scars turned into nightmares and evil things inside. My dad had a temper, he would throw ashtrays, tv's and use a tick on our ass. I used to get spanked in the nude in front of company. Entertainment I guess. Kneeling on rice in the corner, all five kids. My dad when mad use to hit me and choke me and throw me across the room. I cannot recall them ever telling me they loved me. I don't remember growing up except the ugliness and jumping from home to home trying to find someone who would say I Love You.
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